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Posted on Nov 30 2011
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I often work with people in my practice who want help managing or reducing their anger. Very often people come to me to work on something else – but when we start talking about how they experience their problem anger comes up on the list.

As a nation we certainly seem to be getting angrier, especially at this time of year as we approach Christmas. It’s supposed to be a time of fun and enjoyment but I challenge you to visit one of the large supermarkets in the next few weeks and come away feeling calm and relaxed :-)

And so much of the anger that my clients tell me about is aimed at things they have absolutely no control or influence over. Other people are other people with their values, beliefs and opinions and ultimately we can’t change them – certainly not by getting angry with them.

All of this reminds me of a metaphor I read recently. I hope you enjoy relaxing and reading it.

Mole was driving along a motorway with his friend, Badger. Mole was enjoying the drive and feeling good about the world until another car, driven by Rat, cut aggressively and dangerously in front of him.

Mole was furious. He put his foot on the accelerator and chased after Rat, flashing, hooting, and gesticulating. Mole was shouting and cursing, and purple with rage. Rat simply laughed to himself, made a rude gesture with his fingers, and accelerated away.

Mole was quite upset for the next hour. His day was totally spoilt. He felt frustrated and inadequate, as if his whole sense of masculinity had been called into question. He had been challenged and come off second-best.

Badger had noticed his friend’s behaviour but had chosen to say nothing for the time being. He waited until the time was right.

Finally Mole turned and said to him, “That sort of driver makes me so angry”.

Badger replied, “Forgive me, but I’m really curious. How exactly do you allow yourself to get angry because of what another driver does?”

Mole was speechless. He had expected support. “What do you mean?”

Badger said, “What the other person did was simply information about him. How you responded is information about you. How exactly did you make yourself angry as a response to the other driver’s behaviour?”

And so it was that Mole began to realise that he could choose his response to different situations. He could get angry if he wished, or stay calm and dismiss someone else’s behaviour as information about them. It didn’t have to affect him.

After that Mole began to enjoy his driving a lot more. Badger felt a lot safer in Mole’s car, and Mole’s wife noticed her husband was much less stressed and aggressive.

One day Mole told Badger that he’d found a great quote in a book he was reading.

“No one presses your hot buttons. You just leave your control panel open”.

“That’s what I used to do”, said Mole, stressing the used to.

If you would like to know how Cognitive Hypnotherapy can help you with Anger Management please contact me.

Brenda Cox
Tel: 07895 290528
admin@brendacox.co.uk

Story from The Magic of Metaphor by Nick Owen

Last changed: Nov 30 2011 at 11:41 AM

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